Bored

Well i am sick again..Shit lah..Everytime sick..I was on mc yesterday and today..Haiz..I am so bored..Today suppose to have POA test and Social Studies test but now i missed it..Haiz..


Yesterday was our 8th month anniversary..He came over to my house cause my mum dont let me go out cause i was sick..So ya he stayed till 9 then he went home..He is feeling sad right now cause i cant go out with him today..He wanted to go out with me so badly..And i also want to go out with him..Haiz..He no mood..I know he angry with me..Why am i so stupid as to get sick..I am sick at a wrong time..


His god-sister i think messaged me in the morning..Everytime she message i will feel so hurt and i will cry deep inside my heart..Cause one of the message she sent is ' msg him lah. talk to him. he sad than you dont want to do anything. ' i felt so hurt that i feel like killing myself..How does she know whether i am doing anything or not..I would rather die then hurt him..No one knows me..Only my sis does..But she is now too busy..I cannot tell her anything..I dont want to make her sad..I have no one to turn to..I am so lonely..I need someone..His so called god sis is not helping but making me more guilty..I have never felt like this before..I know i am in the wrong..But if he is sad i am too..


I am so called you can say Daddy's pet..I am the one who is scared of defying my parents..I always get help from my sister..I want to go out with him also i so scared..It is not that i dont want to go out with him..But it is just that..Haiz..I dont know what to say already..No one knows what i am feeling now..I just want to cry..I dont know what to do anymore..I give up..


There is alot of questions in my head that needs answering..And i can only tell that it is really2 alot.. I dont know how to answer them..


Here i am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Cant deny it
Cant pretend
just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you wont get to see the tears i cry
Behind these hazel eyes


Lyrics from Kelly Clarkson, Behind these hazel eyes.Haiz.


Aqilah Oreth :'(