quarrels that makes you realise

hello all.
i'm blogging in the middle of the night.
oh wells.
i can't sleep

and i had a tiff with mummy
yes, i know
dumb me.

i guess, i just feel sad on how mummy says about my friends
and especially guys
sigh

if i had one wish now, i would wish to turn back time
where i had hurt mummy and lost her trust in me.
where i took things for granted and didn't feel the love she's always shown me
where i always think negative about my life.

i know i've lost my trust that mummy gave me because of an incidence
actually i've let my whole family down
that's why now, i'm trying my level best to do this family proud and to get my trust back from that
i apologize if i've not been a perfect daughter
i guess, humans make mistake
but that's not the excuse
it'll only be bad if one never learn from their mistake and pick themselves up

i've learn one thing from the quarrel,
that mummy loves me more then she shows me
yes she scold me and sometimes i'll feel like a total moron,
she just don't want to lose me to guys
and that's why she's being uptight with me going out with guys

perhaps i just have to accept that
but i just love being around guys.
not because they feel special but they always share a different opinion of what i think
and that's when conversations are very exciting

and that's why to GUYS especially,
i get close to you not because i like you,
it's because i love having guy friends around
and for now,
i want to be an good girl
and listen to my parents
to not fall in love
at least for now.

parents get paranoid when their daughter or son has a gf/bf
that's normal cause they feel like they've lost their best companions
i've thought all about it after quarreling with mummy

for now,
i just hope mummy trys to understand me and i'll do the same
i'll change my whole self if i have to, to please her
cause quarreling doesen't hurt the both of us only
but also the whole family.
daddy tolds me not to give up hope
and never to lose my faith in god who has kept me strong
though i feel sad,
i know daddy is always there to talk to when i'm feeling down

and kakak has never failed to try talking to mummy.
to make her feel better
she's the only one i can depend on besides daddy
she's the only sister that i'll never replace.

mummy's not angry with me now.
and neither am i
i'm just feeling down
and i know keeping quiet made me a boring person
i'm sorry

there's so much thing in life to ponder about
but now,
all i have to think as a teenager is to think about studies
and to pray more as daddy always reminds us
i shall try to do that
see,
just by blogging,
i got 1 new year resolution
many more to think of.
a few more days to the start of 2008

goodnight all
sweetest dreams
you'll get one if you go to lalaland
[ as if, just kidding ]